


Even For Just A Moment

by clandestineyejin



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Bullying, Childhood Friends, Cutting, Ex Best Friends, F/M, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Oikawa Tooru is Bad at Feelings, Oikawa Tooru is a Little Shit, POV Female Character, POV First Person, POV Multiple, POV Oikawa Tooru, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, dead mother - Freeform, self harm comfort, switching POV, x Reader
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 00:48:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29550954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clandestineyejin/pseuds/clandestineyejin
Summary: Oikawa and Y/N used to be best friends when they were younger, until everything changed in middle school. One fateful day years later, the feeling of guilt and anger burned into Oikawa's heart like a brand as he wished for any way to somehow take all that pain away, even for just a moment.
Relationships: Oikawa Tooru & Reader
Kudos: 11





	Even For Just A Moment

**Author's Note:**

> **SELF HARM/SUICIDE MENTIONED PLEASE DO NOT READ IF THAT IS TRIGGERING TO YOU**

*Your POV*

“Ugh,” I groaned, my knees barking at the impact of the hard tile floor. The sound of books sprawling across the hallway was quickly overcome by the echoes of laughter from Oikawa and his posse. He didn’t even bother to pretend like he wasn’t the one who stuck his leg out.

“You should really watch where you’re going, Y/N,” Oikawa taunted. I didn’t give him the satisfaction of looking at his smug face. I sighed. 

“Go to hell, Oikawa,” I spat.

Before middle school, Oikawa and I were best friends. We did everything together, experienced the best highs and lowest lows of elementary school together, and faced whatever the world had for us with each other. Being around the same age as neighbors meant we were inseparable. But once he became the captain of our powerhouse school volleyball team, he started to become my worst enemy. Because he started to gain popularity and I continued on with my under the radar life, the difference between our lifestyles drastically changed. It started off with teasing which I didn’t think too much of but after a while, I could tell he’d changed. It had become a daily routine for Oikawa to make my life a living hell whenever and however he could. I just wished he would just pretend I wasn’t there. That would be easier than the daily torment he made me suffer through. 

So instead I focused on gathering my things. The laughter didn’t get to me anymore. Nothing did. If it weren’t for my mom, I wouldn’t be this far in my useless life. Seeing his sorry little fan club, at that point I pitied not only Oikawa but his fans that only knew the bravado persona he showed them. If only they knew how broken and weak and insecure he was on the inside. I sometimes wonder if Oikawa finds joy in bullying me everyday because he’s scared I’ll let everyone know the truth about him. As if I would and even if I did, it’s not like anyone would actually believe me. But before he could utter another response, I walked off to my next class, hoping this stupid day would go by quick. 

*Oikawa’s POV*

 _Why did I do that?_ I asked myself, watching her brush herself off and disappear into her classroom. I didn’t hate Y/N. In all honesty, I can’t even begin to explain how much I miss her and our old friendship. But I can’t stop. Everyone expects me to hate her. So I show them what they want. It’s so frustrating knowing that she doesn’t and never did deserve any of this treatment I’ve been giving her for these many years. _I wonder how she’s really doing_ …

*Your POV*

“E-Excuse me, w-what’s wrong?” I panted to the officer waiting outside my door. I had seen the police car pass me on my way home but didn’t expect it to be outside my house. The pit in my stomach made me want to throw up already.

“Are you F/N L/N?” 

“Yes, but what- is there an issue?” I pressed. Why was he here?

“It’s your mother,” he said quietly but not weakly. Burning hot tears sprung up in my eyes. 

“What?” 

“She had a stroke and unfortunately didn’t make it to…” I didn’t hear the rest of what he said. I couldn’t hear anything as I fell to the pavement and sobbed.

-

I didn’t go into school for another week. I didn’t have friends to check up on me or even notice I was gone. My mom, being my closest friend and only supporter, gone from this cruel world. As I lay in my cold bed in the dark, it finally hit me that I was completely alone. And I so desperately wished I could just disappear completely. 

*Oikawa’s POV*

“Hello, earth to Oikawa?” Iwaizumi yelled before throwing a ball at my head. “You’ve been distracted at practice all week. What’s up?” 

“Oh, um it’s nothing,” I lied, brushing off the topic. But it wasn’t nothing. I hadn’t seen Y/N in a whole week. It’s not like I could ask anyone if they knew where she was. I even tried asking the teachers but everything was so hush hush to the point where I knew something was wrong. I tried to ignore the bad feeling in my gut for the rest of practice. 

-

 _What am I even doing here,_ I thought to myself as I walked past my own front door and over to Y/N’s house. I realized the house was oddly quieter and darker than normal and I hadn’t even seen her mother on my way out from school every morning like I sometimes did. _I’d rather be caught dead than be seen outside her house right now._ Still, my feet moved on their own and my hand rapped on her front door against my will. After a few moments of no response, I moved to leave, wondering how stupid I must’ve looked standing outside her door like an idiot. But before I could fully turn, I swore I heard something. _Is that- crying?_ I wondered, trying to make out the muffled noises coming from inside her house. I could tell it was coming from upstairs because of how barely audible it was. Was it Y/N?

I don’t know why I reached into the flower pot by the door, hoping they still left their spare house key hidden under the dirt. I hadn’t gone over to Y/N’s house in years, so my hope for it actually being there was slim. After some more patting, I finally felt a small but hard piece of metal. I also didn’t know why I opened the door with it, but something in me was pulling me inside.

“Y/N? Y/N I’m coming in,” I announced to the darkness as I opened the door. I shivered at the blast of cold coming from the house. The sounds of distant crying got louder as I walked up the stairs, feeling a wave of nostalgia wash over me thinking about the times I used to run up those same steps when I was younger. “Y/N?” I called out to the hallway. Following the sound of now evident sobbing coming from the bathroom, I saw that the door was slightly open. “Y/N,” I repeated, now a few steps away from the door. No response. _But the lights aren’t on-_

I gasped as my heart dropped. There Y/N sobbed, hunched over her knees, sitting in a pool of her own blood. If it weren’t for her trembling body, I would’ve thought she was dead. “Y/N? Y/N!” I yelled, trying to step over the leaking blood and grabbing her shoulders. As I pulled her up, I saw where the blood was coming from. “Holy shit,” I breathed, staring at the deep, long cuts across her bloody wrists. Through the fresh, bright red blood, I could see multiple faint scars. The thought of Y/N doing that to herself- I shook my head, focusing on Y/N rather than the nausea starting to roil in my stomach. Grabbing the closest towel from the bathroom shelf, I took one of her arms to try to stop the bleeding by putting as much pressure on it as I could before I got pushed away.

*Your POV*

“Stop,” I choked, pulling my arm out of Oikawa’s hands. I couldn’t tell if my irregular breathing was from my crying or the blood loss. Maybe both. 

“What? Y/N no, you’re losing too much blood-”

“THAT’S THE WHOLE POINT!” I screamed at him, defeatedly falling back with my shaking hands in my lap. I didn’t notice Oikawa’s flinch or hitched breathing. My head started to feel light for a moment before coming back full force. 

“Y/N JUST LET ME HELP YOU,” Oikawa pushed, trying to reach for my arms again. 

“DON’T TOUCH ME! WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE?” I cried. At that, Oikawa went silent. “DON’T COME HERE ACTING LIKE YOU DO AND GET OUT! Please.” I didn’t care that my voice broke. “There’s nothing left for me here so just leave me alone,” I begged. 

Oikawa held back his tears as best as he could. His heart ached for his frie- for Y/N. “Y-your mom,” he started.

“SHE’S DEAD! SHE’S GONE AND SHE LEFT ME HERE IN THIS STUPID WORLD BY MYSELF!” My tears started to blend in with the blood coming out of my wrists but the stinging couldn’t compare to the pain I felt emotionally. “SO PLEASE JUST- GET OUT,” I begged before feeling strong arms pull me in towards a hard chest.

*Oikawa’s POV*

I pulled Y/N into me, and she collapsed and trembled violently. Each muffled sob laced with agony felt like a blow to my stomach, making me want to hold her tighter. She didn’t have any other choice but to let me hold her in my arms while I tried to get the bleeding from hers to stop. As she wept with her head in the space between my jaw and shoulders, I couldn’t find the right words to say to her. Nothing seemed to be able to fill the years of bad blood between us. How could I have been so dumb and oblivious to how she was feeling through all of it? All this pain she was going through- the majority of it caused by me, too- I couldn’t even begin to imagine it. But this feeling of guilt and anger burned into my heart like a brand as I wished for any way to somehow take that pain away, even for just a moment. 


End file.
